When 2023 started, I had no idea what this chapter would look like for me. I told myself that even though it would be a chapter of new beginnings, it would not be one with a new identity. I didn’t want to make any promises. I didn’t want to be different. I just wanted growth.
There was nothing wrong with the person I was becoming, but there was so much I still had to understand about myself.
I wanted to discipline myself enough to keep doing the things I started. I wanted to be amazed by new experiences and pivot myself to include them in my life. I wanted to witness life surprising me and manifest all the little things I’ve been dreaming about.
But life is not a fairy tale and this year wasn’t the breakout year I always hoped for. I wanted a bigger-than-life moment, but maybe I didn’t want it enough. Maybe I wasn’t ready for it.
I fell behind in life this year. But so did someone else when they saw my life. For every step I took, someone was taking two steps while a third person was waiting for the right moment. I was all three at different times of the year and yet, the feeling was always the same. No matter how much better life got, I never felt ahead, not even once.
I was claustrophobic this year. There were days when I thought I was at my prime and suddenly, it got hard to breathe. I choked. I didn’t know why I was doing the things I was doing. It didn’t make sense. The recoil was stronger than the thrust forward. The risk-reward ratio seemed skewed and every attempt to escape the matrix pushed me deeper into the abyss.
I almost gave up this year and was ready to put a full stop to my podcast, my blog and everything I did religiously because I no longer knew where it was headed. I thought I would figure it out along the way, and it would be alright. But eventually, I reached the end of the road and had nowhere to go. More breaks, less consistency, and a dying fire — it felt like things were coming to an end because there was nothing left for me to pour into the white screen.
Is this the best use of my time?
If time is a resource, will this investment yield benefits later in my life?
It was a year of battles, within and outside my mind. I was more perceptive to all the changes. I could feel more deeply and understand more clearly.
Everyone is fighting the same battles in different intensities. Everyone is growing old. When you look at where you are and where you want to be, it feels like there is so much more to do with whatever life you have left.
I felt it too. I felt like I was losing time. A whole year passed by and there was nothing remarkable to be proud of. Rather, I almost decided to give up on what made me different, even if it was as bland as being able to construct thoughts into a certain flow.
But I wouldn’t want it any differently.
This year, even though not my most impressive year, there’s nothing I would’ve done differently. My mind is as clear as the white pages of an answer sheet.
I cannot possibly have back-to-back years of phenomenal progress.
I’m only human! Not having the best year does not mean I’ve lost sight of my dreams, it means that I’ve expanded my capacity to absorb failures and rejections.
This year did what it had to do. It taught me how to navigate through the storm while keeping my ship afloat. I have to sustain my hunger and patiently wait till I become capable of managing success the day it comes knocking on my door. Overnight success cannot be called a success if I don’t know how to handle it. I will not be worthy of it if I have not fought for it. And this year has reminded me that every time I choose to work towards my dream, I am slowly becoming worthy of what I want for myself.
Everything has a place and time. And I’m so grateful that everything that came my way this year, happened exactly like it did. Every time I thought I was at my worst, it was to prepare myself for the best that was to come. Sometimes, when I extensively planned for something to happen a certain way, it went incredibly wrong. But other times, it went incredibly right and I couldn’t have thanked my stars enough.
What I realized is that I just have to work towards my best interests believing that I will attract whatever I deserve. Life may throw a storm our way now and then, but that’s only to make sure we are worthy to claim the bounty on the other side.
You see, I did not have a phenomenal year but I had my most constructive year. The maturity and growth you acquire from your darkest hours far exceed the rewards of the brightest hours. I believe that this year, all of us grew into mature human beings whose hearts ached together as we saw horror being dropped into the lives of many. We grieved but at the same time thanked our stars for the life we live.
So let us not look at this past year with remorse and regret but gratitude and appreciation for the life that is so dear to us. We may not have had the best year, but we certainly made the most of whatever we had at our disposal.
Let’s honour the experiences we’ve gone through to be here today. Let’s promise that no matter where our paths take us, we will never stop trying to be better than yesterday. We lived another beautiful year on this planet and it was better than the last ❤
Hi. This is Harsh, the author of this blog.
I’m glad you read my article and hope that there was something that you could resonate with at a deeper level.
I write about things that I think I’d like to tell myself. I attempt to collate all my dispersed thoughts into a single flow of thought. With every article, I try to dig into a certain thought or feeling to make it more comprehensible for anyone seeking a word or two.
If you enjoy reading my work, I hope you can check out my podcast(I call it my audio library of thoughts), Within 5 Minutes, where I try to bring these words to life in the most calming, peaceful way I can.
You can find this audio library in the common music streaming platforms — https://linktr.ee/hacchuu or you can check out the podcast section of this page
You can help me out by buying me a coffee! — https://www.buymeacoffee.com/hacchuu
